Blog Views

25 August 2017

A self confrontation

"I happened to read your blog"

Who asked you to?

Yes, I wrote it just because you would read it.
Even now, I do have the same hope.

I am a fool. I agree.
I had always kept my self respect away.
I would still do it now, for you.

I kept weeping,
for a reason which I didn't understand at some point.

I took the blame, you have to agree.
You took the consequence, I will agree.

I have a lot to say,
but, my throat has gone sober. 

I am not obsessive about this.
I am living it.

I miss you so badly that,
if you appear to me,
I would take 100 more slaps for a hug and
an infinite for a life with you.





27 July 2017

Believe or not, purpose it is

When you were born, your parents weren't aware of your purpose to be born to them. They believe you are a precious gift from the above and from the ends of the heavens gate. Until a day came where you are robust about your memory and the people around you, things around you, etc., you weren't aware that things are things and people are people. Silly if you think of it now but that's the NATURE.

Nature and behavior of people and the way they use things is quite Ironic since the occurrence of evolution. I have been a huge fan and admirer of Evolution. Whether it be of our planet Earth or our Species. Don't you think there is a purpose for this? Most of the times, you must not have thought of these or this particular doubt wouldn't have penetrated in your brain at any point in your life.

 I'll tell you something. Last week I had to party with my friends and we were literally drunk. They asked me to perform something in their presence. I was standing there and for a while, I was dumb- struck. It happens, you know! For a fickle minded person like me, it happens often. After many defeats and failures, I have crossed the sensations of suicidal thoughts and I won over. Purpose hit my brain out of blue. I said that I needed a Fag and a Match Box. They gave me instantly and they were so drunk that they were throwing every stick into the air.

I held both in my hands.

Me to Fag: Hey! You... You have a purpose of your existence, do you know that?

(One of my friend shouts; SHUT UP!)

Me to Fag: Ignore that drunkard, hey fag! Are you listening to me? There is a purpose behind your existence. Do you know that?

The Fag maintained silence since it is a material. Materials can't speak even though you are drunk. You can sense it but it can't sense you. If you rub against it, there will be a reaction in the form of heat or some other thing. Materials are fragile in nature as well as Robust in nature. They are convertible and can change from one state to another.

We, the dominating species on earth have been learning about all these in stages. The stages started centuries ago. Some predicted and those some were found dead in the public eyes and outskirts of the towns.

Believe it or not, the purpose it is!
























Love towards Art

Audition..!

Why don't you give a try?
Why don't you give a hit?

An Audition could change everything. Your life style, your everything. Is it just for you? May be or may not be. There are artists who started on a selfish purpose and became famous. On the contrary there are artists who deliberated for the soul of others and won hearts. Both categories are running but the consistency matters. Can't judge because an Artists mind and heart are bloody diluted.

If you take talent shows for example, art-enthusiasts and fame-seekers come with varying mindsets. But what all they had to do is PERFORM. Their act says it all. Whether they could sing or dance or do some other art form. I love singers who put bare their heart and soul. They bring goosebumps, tears, joy, etc., A song which is a blend of music, vocals and lyrics could literally move even the rock hearts.
                 Our mood decides the song
                 but the song changes our mood.

22 July 2017

The Leftovers



We have seen love and the opposite. 
We drove miles for something leading to nothing.
We are the leftovers.

We seem full but we ain't.
We dreamed and woke up to routine.  
We are the leftovers.

We promised and showed our backs.
We wished for more than we had to.
We are all the leftovers. 

We traced the moving stars till we fell asleep.
We looked for the moon in the dark night. 
We are the leftovers.

We learn but won't share.
We love but won't express.
We are the leftovers.




                                                            -- by a Leftover
                                                                   (Tarun)

21 July 2017

Check yourself

"You never happen to go through something.Intention does."
                     

Check yourself,
instead of stalking on me.

Clear yourself,
before flushing me out.

There never was a life without a reason. If there were, it must have ended as a suicide.
You happened to me so unusually, lifting me up instantly and then grounding me gradually.

How silly,
How modest and
How vague is it!

Oh love...
You thought you could get over it.
But it ain't that easy.

Sky is going nowhere.

You have to pass through me
and happen to me over and over.

I am going nowhere.
This is going nowhere.

Check yourself before you say;
 mate.

Cheers Babe!
Mild! Ah!

10 July 2017

Room No. 1069


_____________________________________________________

 An intention with a desire is unstoppable. 
                                                                     -Tarun

_____________________________________________________

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?"

     Oh sheet!

She was laughing out loud without any other thought in her mind. Her stomach was moving senselessly on my thigh. Placing her chin on my chest, looking into my eyes, making curls with my chest hair, she is having the moment along with me.

She: What are we doing?

He: Don't you know?

She: I can see it but I can't feel it exactly. Are you getting me?

He: Yes, your desire is playing upper hand to your heart. I understand.

She sighs and rests her head over my chest and tightens her grip. She doesn't want to go nowhere. Neither do I.

He: We are far from the city, friends, family and worries. Aren't you happy?

She: I am with you. I don't want to think about what I am far from.

Though I didn't understand what she meant, I nodded and pulled over the bed sheet over our bare bodies. Our warmth due to friction made us live the moment.

Most of the whispers were made under the bed-sheet. 
It was our first time, she wanted to give me a birthday present and it is it. Her gift wrapped and saved for all those years, wanting to bloom it to my soul, was out of blue. Kissing her collar bone, left loose her last piece on her body. Few moles were noticed. Shivers everywhere, fingers began drawing sketches senselessly.

The way she reacts, the way my fingers mold.

"Hey... I want to see yours" she whispered in my left ear drawing my waist nearer. It made me bite her neck only to make her moan louder and louder.We left our bodies to each other and we wandered every corner of us individually but collectively.

The bed went cozy and sweat began to mask our skins gradually. She was literally relaxed leaving me the freedom signal to do whatever I wanted in that room.

While I was caressing her lips, she halted me for a second and said "Did you notice our Room No? It is 1069". Stressing over the last two digits, she whispers 69 along with a breath leaving me stoned.

"Let us try that position" replied my hunger.

Taking over her waist, and a view to the sunshine valley, we were completely out of this world. Getting sensual to erotic to nasty, raging as hungry animals. Her honeypot was over flowing and my volcano was ready for the eruption.

Interrupting my volcano from erupting, she took me into her mouth sensually. Playing  over the toy was leaving her gags. Questions asked by her were many in between. I kept giving her instructions on how to do it and how to not.
"You are a fast learner", I said and that left a smile on her lips while she was tasting her owned lollypop.

"Let me get into you now. It will be a bit painful and I hope you are aware of it." I said warning her prior to the action.

"Go easy and gentle on me." She started kissing me and took my fingers and guided into her wet spot. I started playing the strings slow and oval. The whole universe started entering into her and her moans revealed it all. Her fingers were unable to decided what to hold on to and she finally caught my neck rigidly.

The play went on to go diverse and leaving us surprises.

"Shall I do it now?" I asked.
 She answered by spreading her wings showing me the gate to heaven.

"Don't make love, fuck me hard" she chanted while I was entering her laying upon her.

"Grey made sense for the first time to me." I said and she creaked a smile and then got lost with my penetration.

"Oh! What was it? What's happening to me?"
She wasn't understanding what is happening but her questions to my actions ensured her the right answers while I was hitting the right spots and high pitches.

Trying every position was our secret chat dream and we did justice to it.

"You have a mole on your nipple! Wow!" I shouted loud while playing it with my fingers and she took me onto her warmth hug and covered the bed sheet, firm and dark not letting any ray of light inside. 





9 July 2017

First letter

One thing from which you can't come out even when you are alive...is LOVE.
It is a calling. Though it is rare for many, I was lucky.

Found someone beautiful, funny, foodie and energetic. Couldn't argue more with my heart. She can hurt me as much as she wants to. I just want to endure her shadow and be there.

We fell in love and made love. The first time I made her feel the woman in her, she cried beating my chest in the darkness. The first time I made her smile, she tickled my heart with her joyousness. The first time I hurt her, she went mad at me and made me bother about her.

We both lived in a box of fantasies and feelings.















Though the brain warned not to let her hurt him, the heart whispered "only she can".


Variations... Two sides of the coin.

One side is her and 
the other side is him. 
Coin is the LOVE.

How far could we go in the pipe of love? It could have debris, leaks, breakages and many more. And foremost thing is, something should keep us moving. Right?


 With you beside me, 
 I am myself.
                                 ...tarun

We, not being able to take the storms in us is named as a Breakup.
Silly!

World is asking more and more. They wants to know the complete story happened in between us.
Though they never want to share theirs, they want to know our story. They want to know whether you went bitchy or did I.
Silly!

I turned evil and did what am good at. Weaved a damn good story.
They turned evil against you they are calling you a bitch now.
Silly!
                 (I saw a tag under a photo of you people as #friends4ever) 

It took me a very good time to analyze what's happening and why it's happening.






                  You were right about this.






I agree with you.
I wish the best for you.

Dwell in peace and prosperity... my Love!

 





























24 March 2017

Keep walking towards; her and yourself!





  When we first met, we had no clarity on what we were doing. We followed the flow and bowed to our sensations and emotions. Later on, things got out of hands. We blocked each other numerous times. My count was greater when compared to her.

We drifted with the wave of lust and love combined. But the love was deep inside, not knowing to us anywhere. We went to many places in our city. I drove safe and she drove me crazy every single time. I am a failure in time management and she almost broke up with me when I made her wait for 90 minutes in a restaurant. That day we both cried looking, confronting and apologizing to each other.

She always want me to be independent, dynamic, successful, neat and clean. In the process of making me a perfect one, she lost the dire hope she had on me. Now, she got vexed of everything.

I made a fool of her and me at her college. I am feeling heavy to write this too. There came a situation, I begged her not to leave me and cried a river. She was... I can't express.

Later on, she disappeared. I kept calling her at times after losing control over myself. I got dreams that she is getting married with someone of her dad's choice or with her intent. Immediately, I used to call her and she insisted to even respond. If I had called her more times, I thought she might feel irritated or frustrated in more ways.

She wants me to accept the truth that she is no more looking for me and move on. That is when I got inked as IMBUED on my body, she can never see the tattoo until she falls in love with me. This tattoo gave a pain of hell to be frank. Yes, I want to feel it. So, I accepted it.

I run to have a glance over her, since her college bus passed by our street. Today, she changed her place, put ear phones, leaned her head over the front seat and covered her face. She knows that I'd be there waiting to look at her. She doesn't want to see me. I get it.
The idea of not responding to someone comes from the idea of not hurting them or not hurting yourself. 

I get hurt quite a lot but I want to make it special by remembering each and everything. I started noting my behavior and hers. I kept weeding out my bad habits which were making me weak gradually. I quit drinking and its been 15 days. I no more feel like drinking.

You do things which are not of your league only when you love someone. 
Self realization is the mother of counselling.
I am fine with her hurting me more and more. I am ready to consume it. I had decided to wait for her all my life. We must have seen in movies but that kind of love exists. Truly. I feel to do crazy things for her. At a period of time, when she said she skipped her periods and she feared it might be a symptom of Pregnancy... I put my Gold ring at Jewellery Pawn brokers and brought the money and kept ready for Abortion. She doesn't want to be defamed near her parents and I understand it.

Many things and sacrifices from me made her cringe and she always states that; Tarun... "You don't have to do this" but I feel that I had to do it. Love is a responsibility.
Her sacrifices and compromises changed me not immediately, but little late. Little late that she disappeared in that lateness.

Waiting for her is trying to find oasis in the desert but am walking, walking and walking, wandering for it in the open sands and with dusted eyes.

With Love &  Gratitude,

Tarun...
Signing off.

                                    -Imbued P Tarun



























9 January 2017

Hasta la vista

How dumb you must be to open this with an idea of reading it. The way I am for begging someone to be there with me when the decision was already taken. I was really dumb.

In the process of protecting something, we do commit mistakes unknowingly. A smart brain took it reverse. Silly. Selfish. I mean it.

I was always known that whatever we did in a relationship are kept secret. But when I knew it was all revealed to a friend circle. I felt really down on my self. I kept everything secret as per our determined rule of keeping it underneath. But the betrayal followed the denial here.

I did learn a few things though. I became a villain to some and I became nothing to some people. It doesn't matter now. I don't really care.

When it rains, you got to feel the rain.
When it snows, you go to play the fluff.

Yes, you had fun. I had fun. But I found and reserved love in each and every deed. But you hid it. Congratulations... you won the HUMAN award.

I gave a letter, a last letter. I didn't expect a reply to it.
I don't expect it too. I know how I shed the tears and you only know how you shed the tears.
Let it be.

I sometimes hate the rain but the clouds keep coming when time comes.
I sometimes hate the rays but the sun plays the game of hide and seek, often.
I'll preserve the feel which I have and I will stay neutral and wait for what I desired heartfully.
I don't feel ashamed for what my soul desired for. I only feel ashamed when the soul gets crushed by the deeds of the opposite person and that soul hones the permission and activity of brain at times.
As we know brain is a complex part. It is in control but it is not as much as we know. If it is in control we don't do bad things at all and vise versa.

The blame follows.
The denial follows.
The rejection follows.
The hatred follows.
The complexity follows.
The guilt follows.
The idle brain follows.
It pursues in the meadows of life and it keeps going on.
If some one new comes up with the name of LOVE or LUST, even though my middle finger gets injured, I'd strain and stress it SALUTE it to the newcomer.

I spoiled a morning.
I spoiled a friendly meet.
I spoiled a day.
Now, I spoiled a life. Yes, I'd agree. You did nothing. Peace out. Never again. I am a dumb ass to still have that same feel I had last year, the same time. How dumb I am? How wrong am I? I know. I will remain the same.

Hasta la vista.























23 November 2016

B--> Y/E E/U

In the mid-noon, under the hot sultry sun,
met you for the first time in my life.

It didn't feel thunders and jolts in body but I was joyous.
Joyous enough for a life.
With no intention of anything about future,
we weaved through days, weeks and months.

In my contacts... You were the shy of all, I'd say.
In my pockets, I was dry of all, I'd agree.

We went under many clouds and leaves.
Striving for the rain and shadows.

Roads knew our destinations.
Cameras knew our deeds.
Walls and trees knew our secrets.
Chats knew our fights and intimacies.

We knew we'd stick a glue.
We knew even the glue dries up a day.

You kept compromising all the way.
I took it for granted. The way oceans take skies for granted.
I still feel the same, I feel you are born for me.

But you didn't want this ocean of love and emotions.
You need worlds, other planets, you are the sky.
I agree. I did explore you. You are beautiful.
I mean it.

No matter how good we be, worlds sights us in their angle.
We can do nothing to it.

We have seen the best and worst of us.
We knew the pros and cons. We know now.

Never a step forward to convince a heart. I don't want to.
A convincing thing can never be won.
For the time being it may be convinced but in the long run, it still goes on its own way.

This bird will never be bored of the sky you are.
Let your face be dressed with the brightest smile.
Forgiveness at your feet.

One view per a day for this blog.
The day that view doesn't look up to me, I'd believe you lost the love on this bird.
Until then, this bird keeps doing what it is good at. Loving. Writing.
Shalom!




21 November 2016

An ant story for everyone who is exhausted



Once upon a time, there was an ant in a home. In the same home, there was a boy who was as mischevious as every other kid of his age. This boy used to do whatever strikes his mind. That moment. That deed. 

One fine day, he was exhausted trying something multiple times and he got pissed off trying the same thing multiple times. He just lay on his bed looking at the wall slantingly. Here comes the ant. It was just wandering here and there. Wandering around the world of the wall, the ant caught the boy's attention. 

The boy was thinking whilst looking at it. That wall must be a desert for the ant. It must be looking for an oasis. But let me poke it. The boy thought of having some fun by distracting it or disturbing it in some way. Deeming to his brain nerve, he took a small match stick and he got on his feet. He immediately leaned towards the wall to get a clear view. He put the tiny stick right in the way of that tiny ant. "It must be a 12 feet pillar for the ant, " he thought. 

The ant halted for a millisecond and started moving by surpassing the stick which came in its way. The boy got annoyed and started annoying the ant to stop it numerous time. Every time he did this, the ant did the same. It found its way around. It never stopped. It kept moving for the oasis in its own deserted world. 

The little boy got pissed but he didn't feel like killing the ant. It was a thumb away, to be frank. He has every possible chance to kill the ant but he didn't. He learned something from the ant. 

Whatever comes in your way, face it and keep moving. Keep trying and keep driving winds and rains. The boy left the ant on its way and got to his work resuming the tune of trying it and accomplishing it no matter what. 

15 November 2016

Wisdom, from roots to flowers.




My dad didn't know my name before my birth. He named me after I was born.
I didn't know what is wisdom. I got to know it after I learnt from the mistakes. 


We... we in the sense, we all. You, I and people around us. We were born on this soil, which gives us water, food and nutrition and a solid platform to live. The way we use it repels after all. 

The way we use and implement or execute the learnt things also repels the same way. You must have known about the famous line once written and said by Newton; Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. 

It implies in the fields of education, deeds, etc., to  everything. The way you caress your soul and hone your skills and nurture your methods of treating our earth, our humans, our surroundings and our everything matters. 

Here are 10 life quotes which made me think, think, think, write, write, write and memorize.... so that I shall never forget these for a green earth and health of mankind and nature. 

1. Being Yourself:

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

2. Freedom and Choice: 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself, any direction you choose.”

3. No regrets:


“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”


4. Clarity:

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”


5. Creativity: 

“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.”


6. Love: 

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because the reality is finally better than your dreams. “


7. Activism: 

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”


8. Brain Power:

“Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!”


9. Looking after earth: 

“I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.”


10. Process and Patience:

“If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”


Keep them in mind rooted down to the neurons. These shall be signaled when the situation flashes. 

Good luck!
Be a contributor for Earth and Mankind.
Life...is always pot full. The water dries for sure, but it rains again. Your thoughts may swing, but remember... it is just a matter of perception.